“You threw it away?” Ashley asked me, as her lip quivered. “I made you want to do that? Oh, god Spencer I think I’m going to pass out. I can’t live with the fact I did this to you…”

“Then why don’t you slit your wrists bitch!” Glen screamed.

“GLEN, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE. DON’T YOU EVER TALK TO HER LIKE THAT AGAIN!” I screamed so loud I was afraid my dad would wake up. He never did, and I found out later that he drank half a bottle of Hennessey and passed out.

“Wow, Spencer, you are pathetic. You let this tramp walk all over you while holding hands with that asshole Aiden-.”

“Glen, he raped her. So before you yell and scream and call her names, know what your talking about.”

He looked dumbstruck when I said that. All the anger in his eyes was washed away with pure guilt.

“I-I…” He tried to struggle out.

“Save it Glen. Can you leave us alone now?”

“Sorry Ashley.” He mumbled, as he walked upstairs, completely ashamed.

“Why did you stick up for me Spencer?”

“Because, you didn’t deserve that bullshit from him. You have already been through enough.”

“Spencer, I need to say this now, even though you probably don’t want to hear it.”
She paused, awaiting my approval before continuing. I nodded, asking for her to go on. “What I did to you, was the worst thing I could have done. When Aiden said that at prom, it’s like I was brainwashed. I couldn’t take all the thoughts in my head, and I definitely couldn’t face you. I was being a wimp, and was terrified of what you would think of me. So the thing is, I never really chose Aiden. I was just avoiding you. I couldn’t deal with myself and I just felt I’d feel even shittier once I spoke to you. When you told me not to talk to you til I finally chose, I respected that. Because right now, we are talking because I chose you.”

“So…pretty much you chose me because Aiden raped you?” I asked, getting kind of pissed off.

“No Spence, not at all. I chose you because you’re the one I really love. I was brainwashed, and was led down the wrong path. And I’ll never forgive myself for it and I don’t expect you to either. But I’m sorry for what I did. But I love you. And you’re the one I want for the rest of my life. You’re the one Spence.”

I stood there, stunned at her speech. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I loved her so much, but I couldn’t be that vulnerable again. I needed to be the one in control this time, not her.

“Ash, I love you too. And I feel the same way. But right now, my heart is still mending. I mean, it’s only been a day Ashley. I am still going to constantly replay prom and the hospital over and over again. I’m sorry but for right now, I need some time.”

Her beautiful mocha brown eyes started to tear up again and she lowered her head.  I put my fingers on her chin and lifted it up, so that I could look into her eyes.

As I grabbed her hand I said, “But know this. I still love you. And this is not over. My heart just needs to mend, that’s all.”

“I respect your choice Spencer. It’s for the best anyway. Just tell me when your ready.”

She turned around and reached for the door handle. I grabbed her arm, but regretted it once I saw her wince at the pain the bruises caused.

“Stay here Ashley. I’ll make you up a bed on the couch.”

Even though I wanted to cuddle with her in my cozy bed, I knew that I was in control. We were taking it slow this time, and I think it might work.

I think if I give myself time and space from her, we will be together once again.