“You promised.”

I nodded, eyes still closed.

A sob. 

Then, desperately, “Don’t let them take me from you.”

My eyes flew open, realization dawning on me, though my body still shook with the longing for her blood.  “Is that what you thought?” I asked through clenched teeth. “That I was refusing to – ”

“Isn’t that it?”

“No,” I said, as gently as I could through the trembling.  “No.  I promised you that I would do it.”

How could I explain?

I took several deep breaths, trying to force my body to stop shaking. Bella hugged her knees to her chest, her breath still shallow, her eyes expectant.

“I was not – in control – just then.  I don’t know if I – if I would have been able to stop.”  I was ashamed to say it, but it felt like the truth.  “I could have kept drinking until I killed you.”

We stared at each other in silence for a long time.  I felt impatience pouring off of Bella in waves, but she said nothing.

Time passed.  We lay down on the bed, facing each other, still not touching.  I was more afraid than I’d ever been in my whole existence, and I didn’t know what to do.  I knew I had to change her, but I was terrified to try.

Another fifteen minutes went by in silence, and I began to feel I was in control again.  I stretched my arm out toward her.

“I’m so sorry, Bella,” I said, wretched.

She reached for my hand and held it.   “Don’t be.”

“If we have to ask Carlisle – ”

“No,” she said, sitting up.  “We don’t need him.”

I sat up with her. 

“We’ve got time,” she said.  “It’s hours before dawn.  It will happen.”

I sat up with her, feeling stronger now.  “All right.”

She looked at me, a challenge in her questioning gaze.

“All right,” I said again, trying to sound more convinced. 

I would – I could – do this. 

And even if I couldn’t, I had to.

I leaned forward and kissed her.  “If we get into trouble” – another kiss – “then you call out for Carlisle, just as we discussed.  Don’t forget.”