FADE IN:

INT – BETTE & TINA’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING

ALICE and SHANE arrive at BETTE and TINA’s for a dinner celebrating Bette and Tina’s reunification as a couple. Tina’s cousin, Runner (Greer) Kinnard, lays sprawled out asleep accross the living room floor.

                                                            ALICE

                                                (Looking at Runner laying near the couch.)

Who killed the delivery woman? Maybe eating the takeout is a bad idea.

[Runner remains motionless on the floor. Shane, steps over Runner and kisses Tina on the cheek.]

                                                            SHANE

            Hey. Nice to see you at home. I gotta go check my voice mail.

                                                            TINA

                                                  (Looking at Alice.) 

            Is this about that librarian?

                                                            ALICE

            Really, don’t ask.

[Bette enters the dinning room lugging a bag of Thai takeout and forks.]                                                           

                                                          BETTE

                                                (Motioning to Shane.)

            Hey. Could you make that call in our bedroom? Angelica finally fell asleep.

[Alice kisses Bette on the cheek and gives Tina a hug.]

                                                            ALICE

                                                (Pointing at Runner.)

            Is it dead? And why does she smell like monkey and feet?

                                                            BETTE

                                                (Slowly waving her hand over Runner.)

This is what happens when you’re bookended between two gigantic Russian mercenaries, for 18 hours.

                                                ALICE

                                                (Moving closer to Runner.)

            What? Mercenaries?

[Tina sets a bottle of wine on the table.]                                   

TINA

            I told her to fly  Air France. (beat). Oh, Alice, this is Runner. Runner, Alice.

                                                            ALICE

                                                (To Runner.)

            I’d shake your hand, but apparently you’re dead…

[Runner snores with her mouth open. Alice winces.]

                                                            ALICE (cont.)

                                                (Alice bends down to get a better look at Runner.)

            …so you’re the famous Dr. Kinnard. (beat) (turning to the kitchen) Where was she, again?

                                                            BETTE

                                                (Holding a box of take out under Tina’s nose.)

            Dogan refugee camp in southern Congo…for four years. Does this smell funny?

[Alice walks towards the fireplace.]

                                                            TINA

                                                (Kissing Bette.)

It’s fine babe. (beat.) Runner’s been comatose for three days. She’s ok, I think. She’ll either wake up at 3 a.m…                                                           

BETTE

                                    (Smiling.)                                                                                                                        With Angelica, or…

                                                            TINA

                                    (Looking at Bette.)

God, my aunt would kill me if she thought I wasn’t taking care of my cousin….And, she sleeps through everything.

                                                BETTE

Everything.

                                                TINA

                        (Giggling.)

Bette.

[Alice begins poking Runner with the blunt end of the fireplace poker.]

                                                ALICE

                        (Whispering.)

Runner? Runney? Rooner?

[Tina passes through the living room and sees Alice poking Runner.]

                                                            ALICE (cont.)

                                    (Louder.)

            Hey, Dr. Strangelove? You eating?

                                                            TINA

            Alice!

                                                            ALICE

            What? Can’t anybody take a joke?

                                                            TINA

Apparently she was one of the last “Doctor’s without Borderlands” emergency physicians to make it out before the coup.

[Alice stands up and takes another look at Runner. Shane returns to the living room at the end of a call.]

                                                            SHANE

                                                (Into her cell phone.)

            Uhm…ok. So, give me a call when you get this message. Uhm..no

            pressure. Ok? Bye.

                                                            ALICE                                                                                                                    (To Shane.)

            She’s still not answering’?  You’d better give this one up.

Alright, somebody better fuckin’ feed me, I’m starvin’.

                                                 SHANE

                                     (Looking down at a jet lagged sleeping Runner.)

Hey. I’m Shane.

[Bette calls from off stage.]

                                                            BETTE

            Foods ready!

                                                            SHANE

            Of course it’s ready – it’s take out.                                                           

[Alice and Shane step over Runner’s motionless body.]

                                                                                                                FADE OUT.