Six months after that experience, the affair was still going on. Only one thing lead to another. We found out my dad had lung cancer. He never smoked, he exercised, he ate healthily, was a good man and he got cancer. How’s that for the fucking world?

The affair still went on though. My dad managed to survive another six months. My mum didn’t even cry at the funeral.

After that, my world went to hell. Two months later and Ben had moved in. He made my life surprisingly tolerable. He never mentioned what happened that year ago, he just gave me knowing looks and smirks every single time he saw me.

Glen and Clay were not happy in the least that he had moved in only two months later, they didn’t know about the at least year long affair that went on, just that mum had found someone new, replacing dad. They warmed up to the idea eventually; he was like a new dad to them, but me… I would never let that happen. He was a monster!

I will tell you when my life went to hell after that. Glen found a girl named Sherri a couple years back, ‘high school sweethearts’, getting married when they were both just nineteen. Sherri was pregnant; she had a little boy called Jamie and got a place of their own. I hardly ever saw them or my nephew, who will be five months old next week.

Clay moved out, went away to a university in England when he was eighteen. I was quite close to him and kept in contact until I moved out and away from home that is. I barely have enough money to buy me food, let alone have a long distance call to him.

They both moved out at the same time, just six months after Ben had moved in. Left me alone with him. I can’t blame them though, they didn’t know.

Have you ever seen that film, ‘Bless the Child’? If you have then that is how my mum started to act. If you haven’t I will explain.

After both of her beloved sons’ had left, there was only me. We have never been close. Never. Ben started to rule her life. She started missing days from work because he wanted to go out. They would just up and leave for a weekend, no explanation, just go.

They went away to Ibiza for a weekend, that’s when mum changed. She came back and her eyes were puffy, I thought it may have been because she had jet lag or something. She was a bit disorientated, swaying up the stairs trying not to knock anything over.

Maybe she had a few drinks before she came home?

It was later on that I found her in her bedroom, Ben behind her tightening a rubber rope, you know like the ones on bunsen burners at school, around her arm. Her vain practically popping out as he slid his index finger over where he was going to inject her.

She looked up at me, face not showing any emotion, not even flinching when he poked her arm with the syringe full of liquid. Her eyes closed as it was being pumped into her and when she opened her eyes she had a glaze to them. I couldn’t watch so I left the house, going to this teen club about thirty minutes away if you walked. This was roughly three months ago.

That’s when I met Carmen.

She and I had a bit in common, you know, music, hobbies; mum’s being drugged up most of the time. The usual stuff. Her dad dies about two years ago and her mum just went to hell.

Anyways, we started talking, getting to know each other. She was pretty cool. Some of the times I spent with her were the best, the funniest.

She was also the one that made me realise I was gay. She was my first girl-kiss.

I’m talking in past tense, I know, but I’ll come to why later in this story. Maybe I won’t, let you jump to your own conclusions. Only time will tell.

——————–

That fucking little cunt.

The little bastard had fucking drugs in his fucking system! I got booted out of the army. The place where I spent my whole life, fighting for my country and that little dick-wad screwed it all up. My status, my respect, my badges, but most of all… my reputation.

I actually got escorted out. Heads hung in disappointment, my walk of shame.

On my way home, I can’t believe how different the streets look. I spend a maximum of six months back home, separated throughout the year, now I’ll always be here.

I forgot how dirty the streets are in some areas, all the litter around, walls sprayed on and windows covered with cardboard where some little twit has smashed it.

I walk past a homeless man. They disgust me the most. How can you be so un-hygienic, wearing the same clothes day after day, wearing them night after night, spending the money they beg for on booze so they smell even more, sleeping in cardboard boxes and having a tiny blanket covered in holes and stains that are god knows what covering them.

He has the cheek to ask if I have some spare change for ‘a cup of tea’. I scoff at him and continue my walk home. I get into my apartment and walk into my bedroom, taking all of my old army uniforms out, ready to bin them. I must have at least forty in here, I just never had the heart to through them out. How the material changed, it use to wear out so fast. The camouflage colouring changing from misty greens and blacks to intense greens and blacks.

I set them down on my couch, checking for any coffee I may have, making sure I keep a small supply of things for when I come home. Pouring myself a cup, I sit back down, turning on my T.V. and seeing if I’ve missed anything in the world.

I start flicking through these pointless channels. Cartoons, flick. Weather, flick. Commercial, flick. My inpatients gets the better of me and a slam my mug down, ripping the handle clean off. Going into my bathroom cabinet I down half a bottle of pills that I keep in there, trying to calm my nerves.

I sit back down again, flicking through once again. The news, wander what’s going on in the world, in LA.

‘In other news, the homeless rate in LA increases a huge fifteen percent as house and rent rates go up and people just cannot afford to pay these outrageous prices…’

Who cares about them? They are useless. A complete and total waste to society.

Something made my look over to my old uniforms. An idea formed in my head. I can make it so they wont be a waste. I’ll show the army what I’m made of. Yes. I’ll make my own army. I’ll show those worthless shits what discipline is.

Yes. These ‘people’ will be my own soldiers.